Thursday, January 1, 2009

Lonesome Beginnings

The start of a new year always forces people to look back at the previous year and analyze what happen or didn't happen, and look forward to what the future will bring (hopefully). It seems like a very optimistic time of year. I am not feeling very optimistic about what the future will bring. Most people create so called "resolutions" in which he/she will "solve" a current problem to become a better person. There are lots of quandaries I would like to "fix."

I do not want to be a patient or talk about what happened anymore. Symbolically, I will remove the boot, move on, and never look back. This is not a time in my life I am very proud of. I have made some poor decisions that other people have had to clean up for me. I have also felt very weak and helpless which is hard for an independent soul to endure. This time also represents an awakening in attitudes and appreciation.

Mourning. Losing several friendships has been difficult. Appreciate the people who appreciate you. Losing physical and emotional strength is hard to regain. Physical therapy will rebuild the first...what will rebuild the latter?

Motivation. I will work harder in the things I do. I have always just coasted by with very little effort exerted. Is it better to be outstanding in one area or pretty good in lots of areas?

Sentiments. I have been trained in helping others express their feelings. Mine need help. I have never thought I was very good at communicating myself on paper or to the ones that mean the most to me.

With all of this said, I feel very nervous about a lot of things. I also feel very lonely in the social and professional areas of my life. My horoscope today stated, "It's time to take your medicine and get better." I guess that means it's time to learn to walk on my own two feet again...

Time to get some rest for a busy day tomorrow.


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